I don’t think he knows how much I love him, but that’s ok. Just as long as he knows that I do. I hate not knowing how to say things sometimes. I was never good at expressing my feelings when I talk, I’m much better at doing that in writing, maybe it’s because I would probably give a stupid face while trying to say how I feel, but whatever.

I used to never tell him anything, not really be myself. I mean, I was more of myself with him than any other guy, but now, now I’m so much more myself. I can act like a complete idiot, like I would do when no one’s looking and he’ll just smile at me. It’s amazing, I don’t know why I’ve always been so afraid of doing that. I guess it’s just that part of me that’s always insecure about my personality and my actions. Honestly, I hate admitting that, but with him, it’s ok, because I feel like, he’ll just be there.

I am happy, I really am. I feel safe. I just want this feeling to last.

On a lighter note, I watched Transformers: Dark of the Moon. I did not like the new girl. As much as I don’t like Megan Fox, I have to say she played a much bigger and better role in Transformers. At least she kicked ass, and looked hot doing it, mmhmm~ 

Yeah I don’t like her but I still think she’s hot.

Oh and Harry Potter’s coming out! I cannot wait!! TICKETS TO IMAX WOO!

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I just want my best friends back. Fuck it. I know you hate me. But, I just miss you all so much.
I need you, Su, Leon. Fuck. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m surrounded by people, but I’m so fucking alone.

Don’t be moody, love.
You know I love you, Kevin.
I honestly don’t care who knows, because, well, everyone knows it anyway.
I love you.

Told you I still had it. Haha, unlike YOU!
It’s really.. dirty looking though. Haha, it’s been rotting…? on my shelf for about a year… untouched and what not… So I guess that can’t be helped. Eh.

I’m sorry yea? I really am. That day when I talked to you and said I didn’t want him? I meant it. I told him off. I told him he was a fucker. I told him to piss off. All for you. All for her. I was miserable ok? Miserable. I cried and cried. That night, I said I was going to my bro’s place? I lied I went to K’s and he cheered me up. He was a friend to me. More than I could have wished for. He treated me like I was his genuine friend and yea, I missed having him around. But I was so fucking miserable for a month, heck, I still am because of you guys. I feel like shit and yes I know I deserve it. Call me what you want. I FUCKING DESERVE IT OK? I KNOW I DO. I’M SO FUCKING SORRY BUT NOTHING I SAY WILL EVER CHANGE WHAT YOU THINK NOW.

I’m not with Zan. No. I won’t ever be. Because I know it hurts you. I don’t care about him. I care about you. And I know that all you want is me miserable and dead. Well, congratulations. I am. I wish I could still be friends with all of you and go out with all of you, but I doubt you would ever forgive me. Fine. I deserve it.

I know when you say slut, you’re directing that at me. Fine. But I’m pretty sure everyone knows that I love k and that won’t change, it never will. I always have and I always will. So yea, he’s being a friend to me, so what? I don’t go around begging for people to love me or begging him to love me if that’s what you’re thinking.

If you want to know, I’m disgusted. Not at you guys,  but at Zan. He DISGUSTS me. He D.I.G.U.S.T.S. me. I don’t even talk to him as a friend anymore for all of you as well.

So whoopdeefuckingdoo. I hope you’re all happy that I’m miserable now.

I know you’re all going to rage about me on every channel you have. Go ahead. I deserve it. I fucking deserve it. I fucking deserve being miserable. I don’t deserve anything good. I should just fucking give up on my life because I’m a horrible person that doesn’t deserve happiness.

And no. I AM NOT being sarcastic.

Didn’t want to tell you, but I thought you would know. I thought you knew we were supposed to go out today… And that was planned on Wednesday? But you confirmed your plans for other things on Thursday. I’m fine. Really. I just get upset at things like that. It’s like that day when we were supposed to go out and you said you didn’t want to go out because we wouldn’t have anywhere to go because of the rain? Well, yea, I get it, but I was upset and what not. You’ve done this last year, forgetting plans and stuff… I just thought that.. ah, forget it. Just posting this will probably fuck everything.

I’m really fine. Don’t get upset please. I’m really ok. Just need to get this off my chest.